Law - crimes

TV Newsreader: Police believe the fire was started deliberately at around 2 o’clock this morning when burning paper was pushed through the letterbox. They are appealing for witnesses to the event

Crown Prosecutor: Tell us in your own words exactly what happened. Witness; we were in the bar when a man walked up to the victim, pointed a gun at his head and said you are a dead man." Then he pulled the trigger three times.

Police constable: You were going in excess of 60, and this is a 30 zone. Man in car: I Think you're mistaken, constable. I was well within the speed limit.

Woman: When I got home, I discovered that my back door had been broken open. Police officer. Had anything been stolen? Woman: Yes, my new laptop, £200 in cash and my pet parrot.

Police officer. I'm sorry sir, but I have to report your actions to the proper authorities. Man: Look, officer, here's £50. Let's just pretend this didn't happen, eh?

Extract from a newspaper article: The two men were arrested and detained after police checks revealed that they had been distributing pornographic material over internet

detective: We know you didn't do the bank job yourself, but we know that you were involved somehow Suspect: I was just driving the car. And I didn’t know what the others were up to until they came back with bags of cash

TV newsreader: The car bomb went off in a busy marketplace injuring several shoppers

Radio newsreader. The police raided a house in New Street this morning and recovered 250 illegal copies of the latest Harry Potter along with professional copying equipment.

Man reading newspaperper: I don't believe it. The Foreign Minister has been caught giving government secrets to another country!

Political agitator: Now is the time to rise up and overthrow the running dogs that call themselves our government. Death to The prime minister and his cronies! Death to the Royal Family

Shop assistant: | can't accept this £20 note, madam. It’s a take. Customer: What? Do you mean it’s counterfeit? Shop assistant: I'm afraid so. Do you have any other means of payment?

Police: tell me what happened Pensioner: the man who came to my door said he had come to read the electric meter I went to make him a cup of tea. When I returned he had gone, and so had my television

TV newsreader. A journalist working in the city disappeared this morning. Police later received a note from a militant faction calming that they had taken him and were holding him hostage.

TV newsreader. A journalist working in the city disappeared this morning. Police later received a note from a militant faction calming that they had taken him and were holding him hostage.

Woman: The graffiti around here is getting really bad. Last week somebody wrote Chelsea are rubbish on our garden wall Men: That's not good. It should say "Chelsea are complete rubbish’.

Man: Look at this note, Cheri. It arrived in the post today. It says ‘Leave £10,000 in cash in the bin by the bus stop, or I'll tell everyone your dirty secret’. Woman: Don't worry about it, Tony. It’s probably another little joke from him next door.

Prosecutor: Tell us again what happened that night. You are still under oath. Def: I was at home asleep, no idea what happened. Prosecutor: We have video evidence that you were in the nightclub. You were seen by witnesses.

Defendant: I don't recognize this court. This trial shouldn't be taking place Judge: Sit down, Mr. Downing. You are out of order. Defendant: Oh shut up, you silly old woman. Go back home and do some washing up or something

Accountant. We've audited these accounts very carefully, and they just don't add up. Office manager. What exactly are you saying? Accountant: I'm saying that someone in your office has been secretly helping themselves to Company money.

TV pres: Bond, a former government intelligence agent, has just published a book about the intelligence Service called ‘Lifting the Lid’ he gives us a revealing insight into the life of a secret agent.

Magistrate: could you explain what happened? constable: I was proceeding down Street at 8 o’clock last night when I heard a lot of shouting. I saw the accused in a state of undress. Magistrate: You mean he was naked? constable: Yes. As the day he was born

Radio. The judge in the trial of notorious gangster Pinko adjourned the court today after it was revealed that several members of the jury had been offered bribes and other incentives to pass a verdict of non-guilty on Pallino.

TV pres: bank account was opened in a false name in the Bahamas, and the cash deposited there. The funds were then sent by telegraphic transfer to another account in Switzerland, and the Bahamas account was closed.